A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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