i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
