Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I pour the whiskey from now on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
