I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
