he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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