i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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