By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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