This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
