Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
