So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
