It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
