What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
