i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
