I accidentally burped into my bong.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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