shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She bit a glass in half.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
