Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
