oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
