so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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