there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
