Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
