I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
