I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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