Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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