Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
