What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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