Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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