I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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