I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this will be a night to untag.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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