you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
