i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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