ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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