How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize