im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
