Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
