got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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