Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
