Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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