thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
