Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
