I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
