She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
