he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
