We named our party play list daddy issues
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
