A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
