Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
