dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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