dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
