I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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