Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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