I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
