Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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