Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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