where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
