Just fell off a train. Bad.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
