great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
