he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
