Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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