I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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