I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
