I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
