At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
