all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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