We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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