Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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