Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
