and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
