dude i'm inner monologue high
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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