brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
