Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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