All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
