i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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