I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
