I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want her autograph on my taint
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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