I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
did i just pee glitter
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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