..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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